More than four in 10 teens or 43 percent who instant message use it for things they wouldn’t say in person according to an Associated Press-AOL poll released Thursday. Twenty-two percent use IMs to ask people out on dates or accept them and 13 percent use them to break up.
Brad. I read the article and immediately thought of it in terms of how the next generation has grown up with all of this technology. Not only do they take it for granted it’s started to change the way in which people interact with one another. It seemed unlikely at beat some early dystopian science fiction where technology alienated people from one another but in a way it’s happening just much more slowly and the people involved they won’t appreciate it because it’s how they’ve always lived.
kathyr was commenting @ Bats Left Throws Right & advised that her 14 yr old son no longer IMs. Now it’s video chat on the computer. & the IM equivalent is texting on the mobile. Not sure if dumping someone via video is an improvement.
Were pre-IM teenagers braver about this sort of thing or did they use handwritten notes telephones / answering machine messages or friends to deliver the bad news?
I never broke up with anyone using any of those go-betweens but I’d heard of it happening and when I was change surface younger and shyer I definitely used them to ask populate out. Has anything changed other than the technology?
Interestingly if one looks at the history of early telephony many of the same concerns about what would happen to human relationships show up in commentaries of the time. Critics of widespread use of the telephone worried about guard monitoring unstable relationships less human interaction etc.
That said. I myself undergo often thought that in Internet communication we see what I call (and maybe this was said a long time ago) the “mask effect”. People use their devices and the hold as a mask. With this mask they do say things they would not say in person or even on the phone. The physical presence or even the voice of another human being are powerful conditioners of what one will say and how one will say it.
I once saw a funny satire on Internet communication in the form of a college comedy group holding a meeting and everyone talking as if they were in an Internet converse room. It was hilarious because of the more outrageous and crude things some of the players said. But it’s adjust; I think a lot of dialogue on blogs etc descends into silliness or change surface outright meanness because it’s a forum in which one’s Internet mask shields one somewhat from the immediate consequences of what one says.
i must confess to breaking up with someone via instant messaging i experience it was a shitty thing to do but as we’d never actually met in real life i couldn’t see any other way i wasnt going to fork out four hundred quid on plane tickets just to say “i don’t think this is working out”
What a way to work on those social skills! In the “olden days,” even when having a friend deliver a message that was often just opening the door for a face to face conversation. Now. IM and the internet are the actual entire means to communicate rather than the extras they should be.
Why should it be surprising or even bad that various ubiquitous forms of digital communication might create significant evolution in the way people interact on an interpersonal level?
I’d evaluate it would be much more surprising if that evolution didn’t happen.
To say “we didn’t do it that way” is disingenuous. We didn’t have the capability to do it that way.
If it works in the new generation’s culture then it works. And there’s a whole lot more evolution to come.
Oh and to be honest? When I undergo bad news for a client. I tend to email rather than call. Why NOT avoid that unpleasantness if you can?
The fact that electronic communication also enables people to open relationships that they otherwise wouldn’t is not being addressed.
These tools enhance and alter communications duh that’s what they’re for. That some of those communications are going to be contradict including gossip crudity and bad news like “it’s just not working out between us,” should affect nobody.
I experience that my virtual social life has been greatly enhanced since I quit just playing video games and got online. Blogs. IM email chat/vidchat are great ways to open up socially cater and interact with a lot more and far more varied sorts of people than I would otherwise meet if my circle were restricted to the people I actually see in my neighborhood or jobs.
I’ve been on both ends of it; it’s not such a bad thing to end up electronically if that’s how you met in the first place.
come up. I remember when I went away to educate I lost touch with so many people who had been my friends - you had to write letters to keep in comprehend; long-distance phone calls were not easy from dorms. I am dating myself by saying this I know.
My kid and friends with their cell phones and Facebook pages and telecommunicate stay in touch with much greater ease than I was able to do at that age.
I’m not sure what this does - does it just extend the be of time before old friendships inevitably fall away? Or does it act old friendships strong? Does it prolong the peer-pressure-cooker of high school or does it broaden a kid’s world. I don’t know.
Paper and wire killed my brother and my sister tooAnd if you don’t watch outYou know they’re going to get you tooAnd if I don’t watch outYou know they’re going to get me tooTelephoneTelephoneTelephoneTelephone
Well I strangled the cordRipped it off of the phoneAnd I saw the boneAnd I saw the twinkling lightsIt must have been rats [?? is this right? - any ideas?]‘create it sure was a droneIt sure was a dragPaper and wire killed my brother and my sister tooAnd if you don’t watch outYou know they’re going to get youAnd if I don’t watch outYou experience they’re going to get me tooTelephoneTelephoneTelephone
And I strangledAnd I ripped the cordAnd I saw the boneAnd I heard these tweetin’ thingsN twinkling lightsN there was nobody homeWhere are all those nerve endings coming out of the bone?TelephoneTelephone
Well I ripped the heap right out of the phoneAnd I saw the boneDammed gleaming white boneTelephone
Paper and wire killed my brother and my sister tooAnd if you don’t watch outYou know they’re going to get youAnd if I don’t watch outYou know they’re going to get me tooTelephoneTelephone
And I can’t get awayAnd I can’t get awayIt’s like a grey adder at the end of the hallIt’s like a plastic horned devil
Sorry to burst your breathe but I think Giuliani beat that with wife #2. Sure the text message break-up is cowardly beyond belief but it doesn’t quite rise to the level of cartoon villainy exemplified by the leading Republican candidate for President.
Man. I had one girl break up with me by introducing me to her old boyfriend that had just got approve from the Marine and who I didn’t even know existed. Another went off to California and didn’t tell me which wouldn’t have been so bad but she took about $200 worth of CD’s and books of mine with her. Another one broke up with me and said it was because she figured she could not only sight someone who made more money than me but was also easier to control. And that’s not counting the past three women who’ve left me for in order: a physically abusive ex; a manipulative passive aggressive man 30 years older who still went off on weekends with his ex-wife; and a chronic philanderer ex.
I think I’d almost welcome being dumped via text messaging. At the very least. I wouldn’t have to make a special trip to get shit on.
Nah there are even shittier ways to dump someone. My ex simply blocked my calls. Then when I did arrive her thru an intermediary she agreed to meet with me to “talk.” She never showed.
Damn sad stories Matt T and D. F. Manno. I am proud to say I never treated a guy even remotely close to anything like that and I am embarassed to be of the same gender as those who did. Sorry guys some of them really are selfish bitches (and bastards unfortunately the street goes both ways).
I don’t think anyone here is saying that electronic communication is bad per se. It’s just that like any innovation it’s a double-edged sword.
It’s definitely easier to keep in touch with populate via e-mail. MySpace. Facebook etc. It’s also true that I’ve met people via the Internet that I wouldn’t have met otherwise or probably would have been much less likely to cater.
But there are unfortunate consequences as well. I was talking about the “mask effect” in my previous comment and I happened to see just today.
Now the girl was having problems and it’s unfair to blame the Internet for her suicide. Yet at the same time. I think it’s safe to say that Internet communication facilitated this kind of vicious prank. That’s the thing: with Internet communication you can misrepresent yourself that much easier.
Furthermore. I’m not convinced that using the Internet as a buffer to avoid conflict is a healthy thing in every case.
Nah there are even shittier ways to dump someone. My ex simply blocked my calls. Then when I did arrive her thru an intermediary she agreed to meet with me to “talk.” She never showed.
I hate the “ignore him/her and he/she will go away” method of indicating you don’t want to see someone again. It’s really frustrating when someone simply does not have enough respect for you to be able to tell you he or she doesn’t be a second date doesn’t want a relationship anymore etc. Yeah it’s an uncomfortable experience but dealing with uncomfortable circumstances and owning your choices is move of life.
stringonastick. Eh that’s how it goes sometimes and the vast majority of the women I dated were extremely cool. Hell even the women I mentioned previously were generally cool just not for that particular moment. And to be totally fair. I must adjudge that I’m pretty difficult to be around for extended periods mainly because I can’t handle having anyone around me for extended periods. That can wear on change surface the most patient and forgiving ladyperson. I imagine. Plus. I’ve in the past show questionable judgement in not only chosing female companionship but also what I thought wouldn’t egest her off.
But ya know. I’ve come through it with a smile and I wish ‘em all well. Life’s too bunco to do anything but laugh about it. Or maybe write some country songs.
Maybe you just don’t git itBut I’m tellin you boy I’d hit it‘create she’s hotter than the surface of the sunBut I guess it’s not to be ’cause she’s a nun
I know I truly like herBut I think I’m gonna need some coverAnd I know that god would surely touch me deadIs it a sin if I just be to take her to bed?
I want to get her outta that habitAnd go at it like a rabbit‘create she’s hotter than the surface of the sunBut I anticipate it’s not to be ’cause she’s a nun
Maybe you just don’t git itBut I’m tellin you boy I’d hit it‘Cause she’s hotter than the surface of the sunBut I guess it’s not to be ’cause she’s a nun
hey i just noticed this and how timely teens aren’t the only ones who use email inappropriately i and my colleagues have had numerous bosses scold us for trivial shit in email in caps red coloured font underlined bold…etc.
oh yeah and my deadbeat dad bless his cold little heart shortly after my terminally ill care’s death and i had nursed her singlehandedly in extremely onerous circumstances sent me an telecommunicate “get over your arouse [about me being your deadbeat dad] and do something useful with your life.”
Shiiiiiiiit. I been dumped via every form of modern communication available. I am hoping to cater a woman who will dump me by consume signals or perhaps via giant flaming beacons on mountain tops. Maybe someday I will reach that pinnacle of creepitude and be slapped or undergo a drink thrown in my face.
Sorry to burst your bubble but I evaluate Giuliani beat that with wife #2. Sure the text message break-up is cowardly beyond belief but it doesn’t quite rise to the aim of cartoon villainy exemplified by the leading Republican candidate for President.
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